English version by Anca Șovagău
Original version in Romanian by Natalia Luncaș Ionel, available here: Bunica Elena Liliana
Photographer: Vlad Bodarev
“What I couldn’t do with my kids I manage to do now with my granddaughters.”
She dances “Călușarii” (a well-known Romanian dance), sews traditional clothes to her granddaughters, tells them about Romanian relief, and dreams of becoming an ABA therapist. Up to her 55 years old, she went through a lot but all the challenges of her life didn’t do less than to make stronger the mother, grandmother and woman Liliana.
“I am a free woman with a peaceful soul”, says grandmother Elena Liliana Mihai, originally from the town of Baicoi, Co Prahova, Romania. She married at a noticeably early age and with the experience of being a mother she discovered her unknown powers. She has 5 years in Ireland together with her son, daughter and her 2 granddaughters that live in Dublin. Only one week before our interview her third granddaughter came into the world, from her daughter who lives in Romania.
“I had no other choice, but to be strong. What else do you do when you are left alone with two children? Of course, I had my family that always supported me, but this didn’t take my loneliness away.” She married for the first time at 17 years old and she got divorced after a short while. Two intents of marriage confirmed that loneliness is better for her. “For me freedom means being in control of your own decisions, not to be judged by anyone.” She doesn’t like to talk about those times of her past and grandmother Liliana says “I accept what happened yesterday and I am very careful with what I will do tomorrow.”
“I have 3 children: two girls from my first marriage and a boy from the second. For me, the kids never have been an obstacle. I always continued with what I wanted to do, and they were my motivation to go forward. I can honestly tell you that today I have my soul in peace about where I am and for the children I have. I overpassed many challenges, but nothing stopped me to love my children and protect them unconditionally and forever.”
We didn’t even enter well inside the house and the smell of something tasty, that was still boiling on the stove, invaded our nostrils. Mrs Liliana cooked especially for us “We eat and have the interview after, ok?”. She had no idea who she would get to meet before seeing us but one thing she knew was that she had to wait for us with Romanian sarmale (cabbage mince rolls). “Of course, they are of those with a lot of mince and rice”, my colleague, Vlad whispers. We both are from the Republic of Moldova where the ratio of meat/ rice between vine and cabbage leaves, it’s the opposite. “Oh, so we won’t be able to sit at all. There I will give you some to take with you home”, grandmother Liliana insists.
We were in a hurry, and I am so sorry. Those big green eyes, a little sad or confused, have so many stories to tell. “I have a big dream: to become an ABA therapist. So, what if I am 55 years old? I studied so much about it till now, I’ve read and not only out of curiosity, but I am very passionate about it.
I have a friend, grandmother as well, who has a grandson with autism, and I love to work with him. I am due to start soon a therapy course and with the help of God maybe I will get to help the Community of Romanians in Ireland with my involvement.
Note: ABA therapy is a way of treatment that is addressed to persons with autism or other disorders associated with it. Involves identifying inappropriate behaviours and correcting them through some specific techniques. (see: helpautism.ro)
Till she came to the Emerald Country, Mrs Liliana says that she worked in accountancy. “Daniela, my oldest daughter, who has been in Ireland for 10 years now, insisted and asked me for a long time to come to her and I was refusing because I always knew that I would change into a …. grandmother. I am a highly active person, and I was afraid that I would become a boring lady, always tired, sick and with diseases I have a lot, thank God. The idea of being near my daughter and my granddaughter was something I liked a lot, but I also have a son who was in secondary school back then and I couldn’t let him on his own, I always tried to keep up with my handsome teenager. Then I thought that if Darius and I came together I would win it all: my son will study in a school in Dublin, having better opportunities and I would enjoy my granddaughters. I must say that I am incredibly happy that I took this decision. What I couldn’t do with my children I manage to do it now with my granddaughters.”
– “I noticed that your granddaughters talk very well Romanian language. Who insists on it more in your family?”
– “We all do, of course. Me, my daughter and my son-in-law also. We read in Romanian, Antonia, my oldest granddaughter does online lessons in mental maths with a school from the Republic of Moldova and there is a sacred rule in our house that we all speak only Romanian.
– “How is your connection with Romania? How often do you go home?”
– “At least once a year. And every time I try to create an incredible experience for them. Last summer I asked a friend to buy a few hens in her garden, just for my granddaughters. I live in an apartment, and it would be impossible for me to show them those kinds of things but at the same time, I want them to get to know the real and interesting part of Romania.
– “What do you think is mandatory for them to know about Romania?”
– “It’s beauty. But not only to get to know it from pictures but also to travel and see it. I sometimes show them pictures of the mountain, tell them how Timisoara was the first illuminated city in Europe, or that the image of Decebal was the biggest sculpture ever realised in stone in our continent. I only tell the stories for the moment, but I can’t wait for us to also travel together when they are a little bit older, and they will understand more.”
Is it a festive day or not, Grandmother Liliana dances Calusarii – a traditional Romanian dance, all around the house with her granddaughters. They even improvised the sticks, the costumes and let’s spin around the house. Music gathers them together at the same table, with Antonia and Annabelle playing the piano and the violin. It’s true that after a dance or two grandmother Liliana has to sit down, as she has some serious heart problems, but she continues to cheer and clap her hands for the girls from the sofa.
“Love in a family exists if all put all the effort into it. The decision to come to Ireland wasn’t easy but I would do anything for my children.”
“I wish so much that my granddaughters Antonia, Annabelle and Anastasia, who I love more than anything, will have faith in God with their heart and soul, to respect themselves and others. I wish they would finish college and higher education, but this will be their personal decision. The most important for them is to become good people, to not forget where they started, or the Romanian language and our traditions. I am not sure how long I will remain in Ireland. When I first came, I wasn’t sure for how long I would come but I am aware that I am the only grandmother for Anabelle and Antonia. So, thanks to that I got to love the rain as well. I wish with all my heart to be able to keep all my children together, no matter the country. If I manage to convince Catalina, my daughter from Romania, to move to Ireland, then I can get old in peace anywhere.
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This interview is part of the longing campaign “Like Grandparents in Fairytales” – a project initiated by Natalia Luncas Ionel in partnership with the photographer Vlad Bodarev, the Embassy of Romania in Ireland, and the non-governmental organization Romanian Community in Ireland. The purpose of this campaign is to honour all the grandparents from the diaspora, not only the 10 ones participating in our interviews and at the same time thank them for the huge impact they have on the identity of their grandchildren living in the diaspora. Being as present as possible, our grandparents reconfirm the roots of our entire nation. On the cover of this magazine, you will be able to see where the 10 grandparents we discovered this year, started their journeys and where they are today. The next objective is to “spread” on our grandparent’s map as many stories as possible.
All copyrights belong to Natalia Luncas Ionel.
