English version by Anca Șovagău
Original version in Romanian by Natalia Luncaș Ionel, available here: Bunica Elena
Photographer: Vlad Bodarev
“It doesn’t matter what country you grow up in, the main thing is what you carry in your soul.”
Smaller and smaller
As an ant, as a flower.
There is no sadness in the world but people that don’t find happiness.
With a gentle face and a tender voice, Grandmother Elena is the same as the Vieru’s (a Romanian poetry writer) flower or ant: tiny, frail and diligent. Born in a family with twelve siblings, she only could have one daughter. A lot, she prayed longer she waited for more children, but the One Above decided to grant her in exchange for 3 grandchildren. She came to Ireland eight years ago, together with her husband Dorel, to be able to be by Lavinia’s side, their only daughter, who works as an oncologist doctor in Galway, a city on the West of the Emerald Island. Also on the west coast, Dorrel was buried recently.
Elena Dragoi is originally from Vidra, the village of Poieni, county Alba, Romania. Grandmother of David, Christian and Ana. On the 22nd of December, she will be 60 years old. She admits that no, she doesn’t see herself for a long time in Ireland. however, she says she will stay beside her grandchildren as long as she will have the power to do it. She married religiously in secret, during the communism, and only the closest of God brought peace to her soul, just as her mother always taught her. Specially, for her meeting with me, Grandmother Elena dressed in her best traditional clothes sewn by her and made in a lovely Transylvania style.
Little Transylvanian ladies
“I was raised without electricity, TV or other wonders that you can find everywhere today. We were poor, but I never felt it”, starts her story, Grandmother Elena. Because there was a lot of noise inside the house, we went to talk in the garden and seeing her body shaking, I wasn’t able to tell if it was cold or if emotions were invading her. She lost her father when she was two years old, and five of her twelve siblings died, many times was missing food, but Elena’s mom made sure that all her kids always were grateful for how much and what they had.
“My father died when he was 48 years old and my mom widowed at 44 years with a two-month-old baby in her arms, my youngest brother. We were living in a small house with shingles, and we had only one room where we were all sleeping at the foot of the mountains. but you know? – we never complained. While he lived, my father was selling wood and fire logs: he was cutting them by himself and selling them to people, delivering them from house to house with the cart pulled by two horses. After he passed, people were coming to ask for money for the logs that my father promised as he took them as “arvon” (Romanian regionalism for money paid in advance on account of some services).
To get out of debt, our mother had to sell the horses and the caw, leaving us without any source of food. She also applied for social help from the government, but she was told that she would receive it with one condition: to send us to the orphanage. My mother refused.” One year after her father died, her youngest brother passed as well, remaining 6 children out of 12.
Grandmother Elena loves to sing. That’s how she expresses her happiness, but mostly her sadness. When she was around 10 years old, being extremely attached to her mother, she composed a song that she still hums while crying. They were all inside the cultural house and she requested to sing on the stage. When she got down off the stage, people were handing her money, candies and other things, but she didn’t understand why she was receiving them. “They were sorry for us. They would see us as poor. But I was so happy I managed to make my mother smile. She didn’t know about my song, and she hugged me so hard that I almost felt sick.”
You know? I was the happiest girl when I was little.
Dorel was her first and only love. They married secretly as in the 80s, with Ceausescu as a leader there wasn’t allowed any religious services. They were allowed only funerals. They had their wedding on the 15th of August, she was only 17 and she accepted to be a wife, mostly out of respect towards her mother. “She was ill. I knew she was living her last days, but I heard her telling her friend that she will die in peace only if she saw me settled at my own house. I never liked my husband’s military coat, but I loved him from the very beginning because of what kind of a man he was. He was hardworking, always respected me and there never was a day where he wouldn’t say a nice word.”
Dorel and Elena had a daughter Lavinia, and even though they both wished more children, it was not to be. Out of knowledge, but also out of impatience to see her baby “I jumped off the birth table before the placenta arrived and when the doctor saw how foolish I was he suddenly told me that I would never have other children. He was right, but it’s very difficult with only one child.”
If someone would ever search for the presence of God on earth, they should meet Lavinia. With so much care, she talks about her patients – cancer victims – that you want to hug her and thank her for all the kindness she gives to this planet. Grandmother Elena says that through Lavinia she understood her purpose:” We have always been poor and after I was upset because I only had one child, but look, helping now my daughter, she can help in exchange cure hundreds of people when they almost lost their hope.”
If I had a mother and father,
I would get young at once hey, hey
Mother I have, Father I don’t.
And I am a poor man’s daughter, hey hey
Off Father, the way you left us,
You just moved away from us!
You left us locked in the house,
All seven are behind the table.
(Sequences from the song that Grandmother Elena interpreted on the stage from Vidra, Co Alba.)
They buried Dorel a few days after Christian, their second grandchild, was born. They initially thought to take Dorel’s body back to Romania, but it was impossible. Cristi was born on Monday, Tuesday they came home and Friday, the same week her husband died: “I was with Cristi in the bedroom massaging his belly, Lavinia was recovering after giving birth and also minding David, as he was only three years old when I heard Dorel breathing heavily on the stairs. He had very cold sweats and I was able to see how every minute passing his colour was changing. I wasn’t able to eat seven days after he died. I got back on my feet only out of love for my grandchildren.”
Her grandchildren are, in fact, her happiness. She sings with them, she cries with them, and she laughs with them. There is no Sunday that they wouldn’t go to church and then they visit their grandfather in the cemetery. The priest from Romania told them that if they can’t take him to Transylvania, it is ok for him to rest in Ireland. “Anyway, is the same earth that swallows us all.”
During the six decades of life, Grandmother Elena “tasted” everything and, just now, after a long and painful acceptance of widowhood she comforts herself with her three grandchildren: David, eight years old, Christy five years old, Ana almost two years old.” I can say that I am aware now that my husband won’t come back to life and, as long as the children are healthy, I am the happiest. We struggle with the same health problems with Cristi as he has a small heart condition and when he gets a cold, half of my energy goes away.” She prays a lot, and she knows that her salvation is through God. With fear of the one from above she was raised, with fear of God, she also raises her grandchildren. In the morning, and evening they kneel and say their prayers, and she hopes that like that her grandchildren will also become good people:” It counts a lot to put a limit to the television and tablets. You can’t prohibit them, but you can guide their use. I try to find as many activities as I can to fill my grandchildren’s time, we go to the woods, we cook together, and they have no interest in those screens. But this is only when I feel good….”
With her grandchildren, she is 24 hours a day. Sometimes very rarely, she is by herself, and then she crockets or sews for them too, for her three grandchildren. She sewed their church outfits; adjusted David’s school clothes and made the best homemade noodles. Together they read in Romanian, they prepare cookies for their neighbours, and they sing in the Romanian Church from Galway every festive day. “It doesn’t matter what country you grow up in, the main thing is what you carry in your soul”, says Grandmother Elena. Even for our exhibition in Dublin, Grandmother Elena sews special outfits for all family and the only thing that she wishes for is to be with them as long as possible.” I got to a certain age, and I prayed to God to not be a burden to them. I will be around as much as I can and will help them as much as possible.
“This is what I would share with other grandparents: let’s help our children, at least as long as our grandchildren are small. And maybe after that, they will take care of us.”
Smaller and smaller
As an Ant, as a flower,
As a tear under the sun,
Why? Tell me why?!
The poet Grigore Vieru was wondering, and I follow his doubt with my own. How could we keep our parents and grandparents longer beside us? You don’t need to answer. Too painful is what you want to say.
____________________________
This interview is part of the longing campaign “Like Grandparents in Fairytales” – a project initiated by Natalia Luncas Ionel in partnership with the photographer Vlad Bodarev, the Embassy of Romania in Ireland, and the non-governmental organization Romanian Community in Ireland. The purpose of this campaign is to honour all the grandparents from the diaspora, not only the 10 ones participating in our interviews and at the same time thank them for the huge impact they have on the identity of their grandchildren living in the diaspora. Being as present as possible, our grandparents reconfirm the roots of our entire nation. On the cover of this magazine, you will be able to see where the 10 grandparents we discovered this year, started their journeys and where they are today. The next objective is to “spread” on our grandparent’s map as many stories as possible.
All copyrights belong to Natalia Luncas Ionel.
