English version by Anca Șovagău
Original version in Romanian by Natalia Luncaș Ionel, available here: Bunica Maria Antoaneta
Photographer: Vlad Bodarev
“You are not born with love of nation or roots. You educate it in years and years”.
We had to be in Howth at 5 o’clock. We arranged this interview by SMS almost a month before, without having a clue where we were going or who we would meet. The only thing we knew was that the grandchildren, of the grandmother that we were about to meet, were half Romanian, half Scottish, with Irish passports and our curiosity was at its highest.
Howth is one of my favourite destinations when it comes about traveling in Ireland. Have you ever been? If I am upset or sad, tired or over-excited, Howth is my cure. Amazing views, gorgeous houses (and extremely expensive just because of the place they are in), playful seagulls – big and always hungry, the restaurant with the best chowder from all Emerald Country… “How lucky they are that they live in Howth”, I said to myself, meanwhile I was two hours late to the meeting with Grandmother Maria Antoaneta.
– “Have you ever been interviewed before”?
– “No, this is the first time and just to let you know I am very nervous”.
– “What about a photo session? Did you ever have any?”
– “No, this is also the first one, but it must be a first time in everything. Wait let me take off my apron to look… younger”. (she smiles)
“Maria Antoaneta is the woman who succeeded in everything, and she is now relaxing”, I was thinking with admiration. Strong, confident, with an amazing career, having her own business with more than 1000 employees, an amazing woman with 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren and in an ageing moment that could rightly be called “a second youth”, if we could stick it to her busy timetable. She travels in different countries, she reads piles of books, she regularly goes to the theatre (in English) and knows Dublin by heart. This beautiful lady from Bucharest is the first grandmother who broke all the stereotypes, about immigrant grandparents. I had in my mind: that she came to Ireland to rest.
Maria Antoaneta Pilos, 67 years old, born in Bucharest, but having her roots spread till Moieciu de Jos, county Brasov; mother of Julia and Irina, grandmother of 4 boys and one girl, a widow for some time and with an impressive emotional resilience: “I don’t believe that there are moments in life when you are prepared for difficulties, but you can learn how to deal with them”. She was also always involved in the cultural development of Romania, her name appearing as a sponsor at various artistic events where some of the contemporaneous music stars were discovered: Paula Seling, Alina Sorescu, Mihai Petre etc.
I worked as a foreign trade officer at a company that transported shoes from Romania to the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and other countries. That’s how I ended up travelling all over the world. Then, after the Romanian Revolution, in partnership with 2 Romanian colleagues and one American, I opened a shoe store even though before that I had no experience in production. In 1990, the company was founded with only a few people to end up with more than 1000 employees. The most spectacular moment which will be very hard for me to forget, was the move of the footwear section from Oradea to Cluj in only one day. For this you need a lot of management abilities and much more. Then, after 16 years of activity, something very sad happened, something that I wouldn’t like to make public, but it’s when I went bankrupt and all the paths in my life changed”.
– “I am so sorry about that, but wow! What a great professional experience!”
– “Yes indeed, but let’s talk about Maria Antoaneta, the grandmother. Because the grandmother went through a lot, but she hasn’t gone crazy yet”.
– “You are a strong woman”.
– “In a certain way I am, maybe that’s what God wanted. Because if I would have lived those days now, it would have been more difficult. Not because of the age but because of the global, financial complications – it would have been even more difficult. So, it’s good that it all ended when it ended. I’ve learned from all those difficulties, and I moved on with my head up. I don’t believe that there are moments in life where you are prepared for difficulties, but you can learn how to handle them, and how you face and accept the ones you are not able to change as life goes on. She came to Ireland in 2020 just before the pandemic. She travels very often to Romania either to meet friends from home or to take care of her house. The longest she stayed there was when she had to take care of her mother who, not long ago, passed away.
The value of a woman is through what she does and not through how she looks like.
When she was around 7 years old, she received 3 lei (Romanian currency) for a job she had done around the house. With this money, she bought the legendary biscuits “Eugenia” and a bouquet of teardrop flowers for her mother. Her parents were separated. She was left with her mother and her sister with their father. If she closes her eyes, she still feels the smell of those teardrop flowers and sees the tears of happiness in her mother’s eyes. She was her number one motivation to work for it if she wanted to have more.
“In 1982, I know that it was still good. I met my husband in 1974 and in 1979 we got married. On the 85th, and 86th the tough time began. I have always managed to be well financially because I have always worked a lot and am not a demanding person. I knew exactly what I needed, I always prioritised my family and I never worried about fashion or makeup. The value of a woman is through what she does, not through how she looks.
Then, in the 90s, my husband got sick. A miner attacked him on the street to take his money. I was in the United States back then. My husband was working on the Atomical Physics Institute from Bucharest, he was just got paid and was going into town with a colleague. Someone attacked him by hitting him on the head with a stick and this affected all his life. Then in the 90’s he just fell on the street. He was talking to my father-in-law and suddenly fell without conscience. He suffered a head hematoma. A lot of surgeries followed from which a quarter of his brain was taken out, it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to work anymore, and I became the only earning source of the family. However trivial this repetition may sound, but I believe that health is the most important. You can work until you fell down, but if you end up sick, you can’t enjoy anything. And you are not able to change anything either. In 2019, my husband died just the next day after the christening of our grandchild Shane. In the morning we went to church after we all had lunch together, and in the evening, he asked us to let him rest. He closed his eyes and never woke up.”
Grandchildren – The new sound of peace
“To be together till we grow old. This is the ideal path in life. But what do we do if death separates us? I am incredibly happy that I have the girls and my grandchildren. They are the light of my way.”
Five grandchildren: “Three in Romania and two in Ireland.” She minded them all, one after the other, the biggest grandchild is 14 years old and now is Shane’s (4 years) and Jack’s (2 years) turn – the grandchildren who are half Romanian and half Scottish as their father Neil. “I told Irina: Come on, have children quicker because I am old.”
Both children speak more English in the house, but their grandmother, Maria Antoaneta, says firmly: “I know for sure that they understand what I tell them in Romanian. Also, they will have time to learn it. If they will love their nation, they will know Romanian as well. But you won’t get this love of nation of the roots when you are born. It is educated in years and years.
– “What will be the most important values that you would like your grandchildren to have?”
– “I would like them to be good, kind, to love honesty, to respect, to be tolerant, to respect the people close to them and take care of their souls. Hardness doesn’t need to be carried with you. One must throw them over the fence. Otherwise, they hunt”.
– “How do we get rid of them?”
– “We accept them and leave them in the past. We think that it just was a tough time and that’s it. We wait for another one.”
– “How can your grandchildren learn this so that they won’t have difficulties”?
– “There is no person that won’t face challenges. Different from house to house, from a country to another, from a generation to another. But the difficulties do exist. We just must tell our grandchildren about tenacity, and resilience, so they learn how to face them, not how to run away from them. We need to allow children to hurt themselves. At the same time, we as parents must pray for them, and be by their side, no matter the circumstances, their failures or successes. They must feel that they have support from their parents”.
– “Are you more mother or friend of your daughters?”
– “I say I am their friend because we say to each other all the silly things.”
– “Where the line of friendship finishes and where the one of parenting starts?”
– “I don’t believe that this type of line exists if there is open communication. I always showed them the reality, the way things were and always showed facts. I am very straight and sometimes my daughters give out to me because I am too tough. For example, if something bothers me, I, at once, say it, and if they accept God, if they don’t accept, that’s what it is. I accept.”
– “How do you see the future of your grandchildren, Shane and Jack?”
– “I believe that there will be big changes that they will move to Romania. They have powerful connections with their cousins there. My son-in-law Neil likes it there a lot, and I can’t avoid believing that my grandchildren would make plans for Romania. That’s what I pray for, and I wish a lot that they would come. We also have someone remarkably close in our family who has a pension in Brasov and has no one to take over the business. This is what I wish: that all my grandchildren will be together, and I won’t have to commute anymore.”
From grandmother Maria Antonietta I found out that if you have more than 66 years and live in Ireland, you can benefit of the programme of free travel with the public transport. She has excellent English and goes every Sunday to the Romanian church in the city centre, at least once a month she goes to the theatre, she knows all the buses and she could easily be a guide through Dublin.” I wish I will be so active when I will be 67 years old”, I told my colleague Vlad, the photographer. We left Howth with the feeling that we found another role model. So many grandparents I know thanks to this project. So many wise things I hear. However, the great desire of Grandmother Maria Antonieta that she almost whispered, made my eyebrow raise in uncertainty: She’s wondering how her life would look like if her daughter Irina hadn’t left Romania.
“I am not strong but I am faithful, and this gives me strength, I am not obsessed with religion I don’t obey the rules created by people, but what God gives I respect. Every morning I thank God for allowing me to live one more day and that I am still able to move, to be alive and ask Him to give me strength and patience.”, concludes our conversation Grandmother Maria Antoaneta telling me about her pilgrim trip to Saint Nectary in Greece. Thank you, Grandmother Maria Antoaneta. The gentle face, the calm voice and the wisdom – all those confirmed to me that all the stories are inspired by real life. Depends on the type of stories we want to hear.
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This interview is part of the longing campaign “Like Grandparents in Fairytales” – a project initiated by Natalia Luncas Ionel in partnership with the photographer Vlad Bodarev, the Embassy of Romania in Ireland, and the non-governmental organization Romanian Community in Ireland. The purpose of this campaign is to honour all the grandparents from the diaspora, not only the 10 ones participating in our interviews and at the same time thank them for the huge impact they have on the identity of their grandchildren living in the diaspora. Being as present as possible, our grandparents reconfirm the roots of our entire nation. On the cover of this magazine, you will be able to see where the 10 grandparents we discovered this year, started their journeys and where they are today. The next objective is to “spread” on our grandparent’s map as many stories as possible.
All copyrights belong to Natalia Luncas Ionel.
